Greetings:
It's been a while. No worries, I should be back for good.
Anyway, I’ve been studying the Bible for a number of years and, today, I just wanted to laugh with God at some of the humor included in His Holy World.
Anyway, I’ve been studying the Bible for a number of years and, today, I just wanted to laugh with God at some of the humor included in His Holy World.
I swear it
I’ll start with this one since it’s my favorite. It’s pretty self-explanatory, although it probably wasn't meant to be funny at the time.
Hebrews 6:13
“For when God made promise to Abraham, because he could swear by no greater, he swore by himself.”
God saying, “I swear to, well, Me” is found at least two or three other times in the Bible.
Haman’s Epic Fail
This takes place in the Book of Esther. It takes a little backstory to understand exactly what happened, so bear with me a little bit.
A Jew named Mordecai, Esther’s cousin and adoptive father, refused to bow before Haman, a high ranking prince of Persia.
Mordecai was one of the gate guards at the castle. Esther was the new queen.
Haman was so infuriated that he started plotting a revenge scheme upon Mordecai. Haman couldn’t murder Mordecai directly, so he instead tricked the king into signing a law that would result in the killing of all the Jews.
Some time during this tale, the king was having trouble sleeping and asked that the royal records be read before him.
The fact that Mordecai had once saved the kings life was bought up. The king realized that Mordecai had never been rewarded for his good deed.
Meanwhile, Haman was getting impatient and was meaning to ask the king to speed up the process of getting the Jews killed. He was waiting outside to be called in just for that purpose.
The following conversation (more or less) took place in Esther Chapter 6:
King:
What’s up, Haman?
Haman:
I had a question to ask you…
King:
Hold that thought, will you? I have something really important to ask of you.
Haman:
Sure thing. What do you want?
King:
What would you do for someone who has done great things for my kingdom?
(Haman thinks to himself, “Who has done greater things for the kingdom than me?”)
Haman:
Well, if I was the king and wanted to honor someone, I’d let that person wear my robe and crown and have a parade on my horse for everyone to see. Not only that, but I’d have a prince leading the horse, shouting, “This is what happens to the guy who makes the king glad!”
King:
Haman, you’re so thoughtful! This honor will be given to my buddy Mordecai at once!
Haman:
…
King:
Oh, and you can be the guy shouting great things about good ol’ Mordecai.
Haman:
…
King:
Didn’t you have something else to ask me?
Haman:
Uh, never mind, I guess…
Bible Inconsistency
I’ve heard people arguing back and forth about alleged contradictions within the Bible. I’m surprised that I haven’t head the following used as a snappy comeback by either party.
Proverbs 26:4-5
4 Do not answer a fool according to his folly, or you yourself will be just like him.
5 Answer a fool according to his folly, or he will be wise in his own eyes.
Liar Paradox
Have you ever heard of the liar paradox? It goes as follows:
The next sentence is a lie. The last sentence is truth.
There have been many variations of it throughout the years. Little do people know, one of the earliest instances of this bit of irony was made by an offhand remark by Paul in the Book of Titus.
Titus 1:12-13
12 One of Crete’s own prophets has said it: “Cretans are always liars, evil brutes, lazy gluttons.”
13 This saying is true.
All Cretians are lazy, evil liars… and you should believe this because a Cretain told this to you. Interesting.
Elijah’s Showdown Taunt
Elijah, the only prophet of God known to be alive at that point, walked into town and declared a showdown against the prophets of Baal.
The task was simple. Elijah and 450 prophets of Baal would both make an altar. Both parties would pray to their God. Whichever God answered by fire was the real God.
They prayed. They made exotic dances. They cut themselves. They shouted. They screamed. They sang.
Nothing happened.
The humor came when Elijah started showing his amused boredom.
1 Kings 18:27
“At noon Elijah began to taunt them. ‘Shout louder!’ he said. ‘Surely he is a god! Perhaps he is deep in thought, or busy, or traveling. Maybe he is sleeping and must be awakened.’”
Um, ouch.
In the end, Elijah prayed and the Bible God ended up burning His own altar to a crisp.
Peter’s Prison Problems
King Herad realized that his popularity with the Jews went up upon executing James, one of Jesus’ disciples.
As such, the king trapped Peter in a prison to likewise have him killed. In Acts 12, God intervened and sent an angel to miraculously free Peter.
That night, Peter decided to go to John Mark’s mother’s place. A number of the early Christians had gathered there to pray.
Peter knocked on the door. A young girl named Rhoda saw the freed disciple and ran away in delight. She excitedly told all the prayers the great news.
They just looked at her cynically and called her crazy. Rhoda insisted that it must be true.
Meanwhile, Pete’s stuck outside in the cold pounding at the locked door. Rhoda was so excited that she forgot to let the poor guy in!
I’m sure they all had a good laugh about it afterwards.
Sincerely,
Me.
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